Sookie is mine.
Bill’s words kept repeating in my head: Sookie is mine.
Is that all I am, a possession to be fought over? A trophy to be won, something to own? Or maybe a pet that comes running when it is called, always faithful, never disobedient; or better yet, a toy? Something he amuses himself with when he is bored, to dress how he likes, never answers back, but can be discarded when something better comes along? Well, until the new toy, or in this case old toy, is broken. Given my blonde hair, blue eyes and ample chest, it’s a fitting description; I am a life-sized Barbie doll.
Sookie is mine.
How can he keep saying that after all he has done? I am not his, and I will never be his again. He can proclaim his love for me all he likes, tell Eric I am his, but that doesn’t make it the truth.
Does he honestly think we’re going to pick up where we left off before he left Bon Temps? He betrayed, cheated, raped, and nearly drained me; there is no going back. I know he claims he didn’t mean to do act as he did in the trunk of that car, but it doesn’t change the fact that he did.
Not meaning to do something is not a defense; it does not give you absolution. However, even if I did forgive him for it, it doesn’t change the fact he did mean to cheat on me. He was all ready to pension me off to Eric.
He willingly cheated on me. I know he claims Lorena called him and he couldn’t resist her call, but he was happy to climb into bed with her. He was ready to run away with her. At no time did she command him to have sex with her, so what is his excuse for that?
He did it to protect me! I’m not sure how him having sex with Lorena protected me; maybe it’s one of those vampire things I don’t understand because I’m not a vampire.
Sookie is mine.
I’m his again now Lorena is gone. After she betrayed him. Before, I was afterthought–a loose end to be tied up–but now I’m his again.
As I listen to him and Eric argue about me like I’m not here, I feel my anger grow. I am not Bill’s, I am not Eric’s. I belong to no one, and I never will! Fed up with their arguing, I raise my hands and flip them off. Bill is shocked at my unladylike behavior and scolds me like a child, while Eric laughs.
In another time, in another place, I might have been happy with Eric. I find him attractive, and I know he finds me attractive as well, but Bill has ruined any chance we might have had. If I gave in to Eric, part of me would always be wondering if he was only with me because Bill pensioned me off to him, and I would be waiting for it to all fall apart. I know this is stupid and immature, but I have just had my heart ripped out and stomped on by my first love. I don’t think I can trust Eric with my heart. Which is probably what Bill wanted all along; he knew I would never accept being passed over to Eric like nothing but a common whore.
Maybe that’s why he told Eric what he did; he no longer wanted me, but he saw fit to make sure Eric couldn’t have me either.
Even though I know this, I still can’t give in to Eric, and I hate myself for it. Because I know as much as I loved Bill and how deeply he hurt me, it would be nothing compared to what Eric could do to me. The thought of being with Eric terrifies me. I’m not scared of him; I’m scared of what he makes me feel. I’m scared of not being in control. But then, what control have I ever really had?
The two of them are talking like I’m not here again; if I had the energy to care I might think it was rude of them. It’s only the pain that stops me snorting in derision as I hear Bill try to play the martyr with his “it was the least I could do for her,” crap. The least you could have done, Bill, is be faithful; or better yet, be man enough to admit it to me yourself. Instead, you took the coward’s way out and had Eric tell me.
As I listen to them, I realize Bill was more concerned about Alcide, and whatever interest he might have in me, than the reason behind the Weres attacking. I can almost see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to figure out how to blame Alcide for this. I can see he is trying to find a way to eliminate all those he believes are his competition for me. It’s a shame he hasn’t figured out yet he isn’t even a competitor anymore. Whatever we had ended the moment I found out he had been unfaithful. Even if I would have considered forgiving him, he destroyed his chance in the trunk of that car.
He is so proud of himself as he explains how he negotiated a deal with Russell for his freedom.
It’s a pity he didn’t think to do that before, we might have all been saved a lot of trouble, not to mention pain. But now I think about it, that is what Bill does best; wait until everyone else has done the hard work, turn up for the clean up, and then and try and take credit for it. I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before; I guess love really is blind. Does he think I will be impressed as he tells us about him speeding down the highway so he could warn us about the Weres who were after us? I might have been impressed if he got here in time to actually warn us, and not waited until after Eric had been shot and I’d been beaten again. Or perhaps if he would have phoned Eric and told him; I’m sure as important as Eric is, he has a cell phone.
I don’t know why I’m so surprised though. I mean, he did leave me practically alone when I was being stalked by Rene. He knew I was a target and he still left for New Orleans to secure a position to ward off Eric, and look how well that turned out! I was almost beaten to death and Eric, well, Eric is still Eric. Then there was his return to Dallas after the Fellowship of the Sun attack. I never really thought of it before, but why would Stan Davis ask Bill for his help in smoothing over matters with the shifters there? Surely he would have asked Eric as the Sheriff of Area Five. You could argue that because it involved me, Bill was asked, but that doesn’t seem right. Stan requested my services through Eric, so surely any recompense should go through Eric as well. I suppose I could ask Bill, but something tells me he wouldn’t tell me the truth. He’s never been forthcoming when it comes to how things work in the vampire world.
Bill changes the subject when Eric rebukes him, turning his attention to me. His concern for my swelling face and me is a poor attempt to show his caring side. My face has been swelling since he arrived; him showing he’s noticed is not going to endear him to me now.
I see a look of anger sweep across Bill’s face as I ask Eric if he’s okay, but he schools it quickly, and once again I see the face of the contrite boyfriend. I wonder how I have been blind for so long. It seems since Bill Compton came into my life, I’ve been living with blinders on. I feel so foolish: I have been used, abused and discarded, only to be picked back up because he has nothing else.
They’re arguing again; I have to wonder why Bill even bothers. It’s clear to me that he’s no match for Eric, and that’s not the words of a scorned woman, it’s just common sense. Eric is so much older than him, not to mention more powerful. And yet, Bill still defies him. He’s shouting his “Sookie is mine,” crap again. As I listen to him I realize that he’s never going to let me go. He really thinks I’m his and always will be his. I will never be free of him; it’s a frightening thought, and it chills me to the bone. Although, maybe there is a way for me to be free of him. Do I have the strength to do it? Or the courage? If I’m caught before I have a chance to see it through, there is a chance I won’t survive.
I suddenly feel a pair of eyes on me and I look up. I see Eric staring at me; his gaze is intense and I could swear he was seeing right through to my soul. His lips quirk into a smirk, and he nods his head at me. He can’t know what I’m thinking, because if he did, he wouldn’t be smirking at me. He’d be attacking me and ordering me not to do it.
“Sookie,” I hear Bill bark. Turning my head to face him, I almost laugh at the sour look he has on his face. It’s clear he’s not happy at whatever just passed between Eric and me.
Bill softens the look on his face as he addresses me. “You should be resting, sweetheart. I will help you into bed.”
“No thank you, Bill,” I said politely. Just because my ex-boyfriend is a lying, cheating bastard, it’s no reason to be rude.
“Sookie, really, you need the rest.”
“I know, but I don’t require your help.” Why would he think I would accept his help? The thought of him touching me makes me feel ill. To be honest, the thought of any man touching me at the moment makes me feel ill. I can see Bill is getting ready to argue with me and I really can’t take it now; I have so much to do and not a lot of time to do it in. The fact that I’m in agony is not helping at all. “I think it would be best if you both left.”
“We need to talk,” Bill argued.
“No, Bill, I need to rest,” I tell him, using his own words against him. “I am tired, hurt and covered in blood. Any talk you think we need to have will have to wait.”
“We can talk while I take care of you.”
“I think you’re the last person Sookie wants to take care of her at the moment,” Eric chimed in.
“This has nothing to do with you,” Bill barked. “Sookie is…”
“Enough,” I shouted, cutting Bill off. I don’t want to hear one more “Sookie is mine” from his lips.
I dragged myself to my feet and take a shaky step closer to them. “All I want to do is wash the blood off me and go to bed, but you’re making it so difficult. I didn’t want to do this, but you have left me no choice,” I lied. I was planning to do this, but I was hoping to wait until they’d gone. “Bill, I rescind your invitation.” I watch with a sense of detachment as Bill walks backwards to the door, an angry look on his face.
I turn to Eric but before I have a chance to say anything, he leans down and whispers in my ear. My eyes widen as I hear his words; I look at him to see if he is serious. Seeing that he is, a tear trickles down my face. “Eric,” I choked, “I rescind your invitation.” I watch again as Eric walks backwards out of the door. As he passes the threshold, he winks at me and then is gone.
I collapse back on the couch in a haze, unsure what to think. Did Eric just tell me what I think he did? Looking at the clock, I see it’s still a few hours until sunrise. Pulling myself to my feet, I hobble to my bedroom and lay down on the bed. I have a few hours to spare before I have to start planning my next move. All I know is that Bill Compton will be sorry for the day he betrayed me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.